The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
