Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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