I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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