So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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