32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
