Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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