In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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