u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
