with your own penis?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
