Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
