overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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