It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
