it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
