well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
