You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
