kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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