How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
