Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
