Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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