she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize