I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
