Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
the room spins SO much faster in panama
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
