I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We are all done wearing pants today
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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