why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
