I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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