i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i barfeds in our rink
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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