i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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