After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
