your thong is hanging out like whoa
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
