This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
