You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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