I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Randomize
