Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
