I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
We are all done wearing pants today
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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