i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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