since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
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