You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
