Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
