Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
