Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(453): View more from

apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better

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(770): View more from Georgia

she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho

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(315): View more from New York

I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.

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(347): View more from New York

The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09

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(925): View more from California

She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.

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(973): View more from New Jersey

composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.

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(716): View more from New York

I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me

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