I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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