Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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