i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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