Small penises have feelings too.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
