I'm lost and stupid without you.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
