he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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