WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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