driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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