I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
