Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
