and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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