My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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