Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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