It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It all started with a game of naked twister.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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