You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize