Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
