I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
