I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Randomize
