Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
