I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
