This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
