Pants 0. Shit 1.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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