her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
