So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
