this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
