I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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