He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
