Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
