Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
