I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
