I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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