They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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