He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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