sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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