and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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