I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
