nut hugger
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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