I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
